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Photo by Squeeze Photo Written by James Wong. Apprx. read 4.5 min.

“Sorry I’m late!”

“My bad, I forgot to clean my dishes.”

“Sorry I didn’t call you on your birthday, I was swamped!”

“Sorry I lost the parking ticket!”

“Sorry I didn’t get the work done.”

So you said sorry so what? It’s not enough just to say sorry.

Saying sorry is our trump card, the ace up our sleeve, that lets us get away with being small incapable people. Why don’t we set 5 alarm clocks half and hour earlier then what time we think we should wake up so sleeping in or traffic can’t be an excuse? Why can’t we clean the kitchen before we eat and then clean the dishes right afterwards? Why can’t we set up automatic calendar updates for our friends’s birthdays and our anniversaries? Why can’t we put our parking ticket away somewhere safe or give it to someone more accountable to keep from loosing it? Why don’t we take the time to learn a time management system so we can get everything we need to get done?

NO. Instead, we’d rather say sorry and continue living as if our actions have absolutely no affect on people. Consider all the times people came 15 minutes to an appointment and all they said was sorry with some lame generic excuse. Or all the “my bads” you get when something goes wrong that could have been avoided. Has their screw ups ever fucked up your schedule or just frustrated you?

The excuse that “we’re only human” and that we can make mistakes is bullshit. “We’re only human” is a fallacy that makes us weak and small. We are powerful enough to make anything happen in our lives. We are powerful enough to prevent almost all accidents. But for some reason we choose not to powerful. When we say sorry we are being lazy, unmotivated, and selfish assholes only to be excused by saying sorry.

Here are some detrimental affects of saying sorry:

• To the world you are weak. Nobody wants to hire or work with a weak person.
• The world doesn’t take what you have to say seriously because you are constantly breaking your word and then saying sorry..
• You yourself don’t take yourself seriously because all the times you’ve let yourself off from owning up.
• You aren’t as liked. Why? Because the world doesn’t treat people who arene’t responsible enough to take care of their shit so they don’t have to say sorry anymore as good as people who are on top of their shit.
• You accomplish less and then blame the world for why your life sucks. (Example: My mother..)

I’m not perfect either.. But I’m becoming aware of the affects of my apologies and excuses. I’ve come to an understanding that we are literally as powerful and capable as we say we are. Anything we say, we can make it happen. We just have give up our trump cards and get in to action. If you make a mistake own up to it and create a system or something that’ll prevent it from ever happening again. Forget saying sorry. I invite you to evolve your attitude that the world doesn’t cater to you, that everything you do, every mistake, has a consequence and an impact in the world. Consider creating systems and stragtegies that will structure your life in a way that prevents you have to say sorry. Don’t let yourself be small and irresponsible.

The more you are conscious of your words, commitments, and actions, the more you’ll accomplish and have purpose in your life.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Okay, that was my rant on saying sorry. I truly believe saying sorry is our ace in the hole that it gets us off from being BIG AMAZING people. Saying sorry to often will ruin our lives. However, I do believe sorries can do one amazing thing that’ll save our lives.

How the word “Sorry” can save our lives

There are 3 worlds we think about that take up 99% of our thinking.

Finances/Career

Body/Health

Relationships/Sex

Evolyfe features content that helps us develop and evolve these 3 worlds so we can live with more purpose and free of struggle. Each world is equal and if one world is breaking down, the other worlds break down as well. Part 2 of this article is to teach you how to regain past relationships that we have lost but want back.

Do you have a friend that you lost but want to be close again?

Have you ever felt like if you had him or her back in your life even as a friend, you’d be so much more happier? Like you felt like you fuck up bad, and you just want to make up? But you’re too stubborn to apologize even though you want him or her back so you hope to God he or she will apologize first? Or you’ve apologized a bahjillion times but he or she still won’t forgive you?

Here’s a step by step guide to saving your life (more like greatly improving your life) by restoring your relationships:

1. Prepare to talk to your friend. You want to talk to her with her in mind, only. In order for you to get what you want, you have to give her what she wants; YOU TO GET HER, TO UNDERSTAND HER. Forget about arguing, about your ego, and just be present with her.
2. Once you get ahold of your friend, apologize right away. Go above and beyond in apologizing. Put your ego and point of view aside and beat yourself up for whatever you did.
3. Ask your friend to beat you up as well. Now ask her to say everything she feels negative about you. Don’t ask for anything positive just the negative. Ask her to be brutal.
4. As your friend talks agree with everything and don’t correct her. When she says “You were an asshole for being late to our dinner date.” You say, “Your right, I was an inncredible asshole. I’m sorry.”
5. Stay quiet for 3 hours if needed until your friend gets it all out. Continue apologizing and accepting everything she says.
6. Eventually your friend would have said everything she wanted to say. At this point, you apologize and restate the critical points that pissed her off. And ask for her forgiveness.
7. Something remarkable happens. She looks at you, see’s your authenticity, and forgives you.
8. Open space. Finally with both of you thrilled, you guys are friends again. It’s time to recreate your relationship with her. The last relationship you guys had didn’t work or else you wouldn’t be trying to get her back. You have to actually create the new space and expectations of the relationship in order for it to work and continue. For example, last time she got mad at you for being late to dinner. With your new found relationship, ask her out to dinner and promise her you won’t be late. Or last relationship, she didn’t trust you. Now you get the chance to address that and say “In order for us to be friends, there needs to be trust.” Promise each other you’ll be straight and real with each other. If you’re thinking “What if one of us break our promise?”, STOP IT. Don’t go there, just trust each other. If it happens though be lighthearted and forgive your friend. Forgive your friend in the act of love.

The impact of relationships

Everyone understands that doing something with another person is way more fun and exciting than doing it alone. For example:

• Having sex
• Dancing
• Going to movies
• Playing drinking games
• Pretty much doing anything

Everyone also understands that relationships are the #1 source of sadness, frustration, and distress.

Quick story, when I was in a relationship with Rae, it didn’t matter where I was or what I was doing, I’d 10x happier if she was with me and we did it together. I’d have a blast grocery shopping. Studying became something I looked forward to. Literally anything we did together was fun. Some of my favorite memories of being extremely happy were with her. Why? Because I adored her, and the magical feeling of love we shared was bliss.If only that was our whole relationship… We didn’t fight very often, but when we did, I was a total wreck. I couldn’t focus, I didn’t want to do anything, and I’d be consumed by my thoughts of her and what we were fighting over. Sound familiar?

Here’s what’s so ironic about relationships, we get in to the biggest and baddest fights and then we eventually make up and then in a few months we laugh about it.

Give up fighting, its pointless. If you screwed up, let go of your ego and apologize.

Hold on to as many relationships as possible. They all matter and they all will have a lasting affect on you.

“The quality of your life is determined on the quality of your relationships.”

Take care, love,

James

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